GEAUX SAINTS Tuesday, Dec 1 2009 

I am very proud and happy for the New Orleans Saints in their win against the New England Patriots on Monday Night Football.  They played as a close-knit team complimenting each other in each play of the game.  The return of Mike MacKenzie made me a very happy Saints fan he has been missed and he played an excellent game.  There is a reason Drew Brees is one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL and he proved himself yet again by setting another record in the number of touchdowns against Belichik.  The Saints defense is getting better with each game, being able to sack Brady was amazing.

Yes sports fans the Saints are 11-0 for the first time in franchise history and they are well on their way to something wonderful.  I would like to thank the Saints organization for all the hard work they put in all year, and to the families who sacrifice time away to give all of us something to look forward to each Sunday.

Y’all are great!!!!!!!

PTSD- Not Me? Monday, Nov 2 2009 

OK, so I have been a bit depressed lately, I have a lot going on.  So I went to for an evaluation, for what I thought was to get meds to treat the depression.  I have never been to counseling before, the docs have given antidepressants in the past.  Now I am seeing a counselor for Post Traumatic Stress, I thought they were the crazy ones for this diagnosis.  After time to soak it in and do a little research about PTSD, I guess they are right.  After all I have been through some really tough patches in life, I have always chalked it up to this is life just deal with it.

I can’t get myself dressed some days, what’s the point?  I don’t have a job, and of all the resumes I have sent out I have heard nothing in return.  I feel bad that I don’t have the money to treat my kids on the weekends, I wanted to take son #4 to a Haunted House for Halloween and couldn’t.  So I sat at home crying.  He didn’t seem to mind, he played his video games and chatted with friends. 

I have got to get myself together, but how??  Right now I am on my way to the counselor……… Well, the Saint’s play tonight and we are going to watch it at a movie theater.  Yes, watching the Saint’s on the big screen!!  That’s one thing to bring me up a bit.

Good Grief: Day 5 Friday, Oct 16 2009 

Well the trip to Virginia was great, the scenery was beautiful.  We stopped at McDonald’s for breakfast and I was good, got a parfait.  But lunch was Taco Bell……ugh.   I keep walking,  Taking the dogs for 3-4 30 minute walks every day, I just can’t get myself to exercise.  I want to, just don’t feel like it.  What do I need to do to motivate myself?  I guess I don’t want it bad enough or else I would be doing it, right? 

Maybe I just need to get off my butt and quit being a lazy ass.  It is so hard to do that when my brain feels like a rock, just can’t get the thoughts and motivation to match up.  Depression just sucks the life out of a person.  Ok, enough of the pity pary, time to get a move on.

Good Gried: Day 1 Monday, Oct 12 2009 

I got up at 5:45 and took the dogs for a 30 minute walk, they enjoyed it a bunch.  Had my coffee and now waiting for my sister to pick me up for our drive to Virginia, that’s a story for anther day.  So my exercise will be limited today due to the 5 hour drive, but I will eat sensibly and replace my usual diet Dr. Pepper for water.

Emotionally, I hope this gives us time to talk we both need that.  My son left a wonderful response to my previous blog,  I have the greatest kids in the world, so supportive and loving.  Son #2 tells me when I can’t exercise to use my own body to work with itself.  Tighten muscles hold for 15 seconds and let it loose then repeat, I do this mostly with my abs and it works.  I can feel my abdominal muscles get sore, therefore I know they are getting a little work out.

Til tomorrow people

Good Grief Monday, Oct 12 2009 

I realized something today, I am not just grieving the loss of my husband but the life I had.  I miss raising kids, going to games watching them play.  With moving I miss my boys, my friends the place where I grew up.  Even grieving my youth, I have to laugh at that one.  I look in the mirror and I’m not sure who it is looking back at me.  Although people tell me that I don’t look my age I have to shrug a “yea right” attitude.  I am the one noticing the wrinkles and sags not only on my face but my neck and the rest of me as well.  My mid section which was once tone is now a tire, spare tire.  I don’t like it at all.

Now I am feeling that life is passing me  like a fright train.  Sure I keep busy, concerts, family, studying.  I do have goals set for myself and at times I feel condemned, like a black luminous cloud over my head, in my head.  What is this fog in my head, my mind?  It makes me nuts.  I try not to let it get to me. So now I am going to do something about it.  I am not working and lost my insurance along with the job, thanks to resizing, so medical treatment for depression is not an option, no,  I have to do this on my own.  My son tells me to exercise, change my diet it will make me feel better.  I use to do that, work out before work and walk/run 2 miles every day after work and I did feel great, I had even quit smoking.  This is my plan of action and I am going to record my progress here on my blog.

First is my diet, no fast food, soft drinks or fried foods.  Which I have already began and it’s not so bad.  Experts have said if you keep track of what you eat it will help you be cognizant of what we put into our body.  I do want to make this change not only for my own piece of mind and body, but for my kids.  I want to be healthy for them and for my future grandkids.

I will also keep record of my physical activity from walking the dogs to exercising with the help of son #2 the personal trainer.  Although he lives in LA and I in NC, he will encourage me and tell me what I should be working on and at what pace.  My other kids are on board with me as well, physical activity has always been a part of our lives.  Now I don’t have an excuse, I can hike, bike ride, walk the neighborhood and parks.  I am even going to take my Italian Greyhound to the dog park so we both can get out and move.  I would like to get me and the two younger ones mountain bikes and a canoe or kayak.

This is my mission and I will not falter.  If you have the same quest and would like support please let me know.

Mojave Cross Should Stay Wednesday, Oct 7 2009 

I am tired of waking up in the morning to hear yet another complaint about religion.  This morning the story of an Oregon man, with the help of the ACLU, are fighting to have a cross in the Mojave Dessert taken down because it is a religious symbol on federally owned land.  Frank Buono brought this fight to the attention of The ACLU back in 1999 stating that it is an infringement of the Establishment Clause.  As  I found on about.com, the establishment clause states:  The 1st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.” This establishment clause has been used by the Supreme Court to overturn, or declare unconstitutional, state laws involving the government in religious activities, such as prayers or religious programs in public schools”. 

First the story of the cross, it was erected in 1934 by Riley Bembry, a World War I medic in remembrance for the fallen during the war.  And then became a site for service to come to ease the distress of mustard gas in the dessert air.  Bembry took care of the cross until his death in 1984, never received permission to construct the cross, at which time was not government property.  In the 1990’s a  request  to put up a Buddhist Shrine near the cross was declined, which led former park ranger Buono to contact the ACLU, stating the Latin cross is not a universal symbol for religions.  That it should not represent Jewish, Muslims and many other sects.

Slowly the ACLU and others have been getting rid of any and all religious symbols from this country. Cities and schools can not use the word Christmas in holiday displays or programs because it leaves out other religions which do not celebrate Christmas.  In many government buildings all signs and symbols of religion have been taken down and officials reprimanded for displaying such items as the Ten Commandments, pictures of Jesus Christ and crosses.  Does anyone remember that the Constitution was founded on Biblical principles?  The men and women that came to this country were God-fearing people who lived by the Bible, and believed the words therein.  The Founding Fathers of this country did not want England to dictate to them any longer.  These men worked feverishly to compose a document that would benefit their new lives in this country, only to have the ACLU and others to interpret the Constitution to their own benefit and the benefits of a self-righteous cause.

Let the Mojave cross stay where it is without any further recourse.  Let’s put a stop to the Americans ( and I use that term loosely) who try to take away our right to religion and freedom of expression.

God Bless America

Daily Dollop Tuesday, Oct 6 2009 

The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.

Ben Okri

Cloud Over My Head Tuesday, Oct 6 2009 

I have been dealing with depression for a while now.  The peaks and valleys I travel through suck to say the least.  I lost my wonderful husband 8 years ago at the age of 39, we have 5 kids.  The two youngest ones were 10 and 7 at the time, and I can’t help but wonder how different would they be today if he were still here.  I still struggle with my emotions on a daily basis, trying to be happy when all I want to do is cry.  And at times it seems all I do is cry.

So how am I suppose to carry on?  At first I took my situation by the reins went back to school and earned my bachelor’s degree.  Now I’m in debt with student loans.  Got a great job, which I lost when the office closed.  Moved 900 miles away to be near family, which I think may be the best thing I have done. 

 I want my life back!!  I want my husband back!!  My kids and I miss him very much.  His warm smile, infectious laugh, and his loving, giving ways.  He used to bring or send me flowers every week for no reason at all but to say he loves me.  When I was cooking he would grab me and we’d dance in the kitchen as he sang “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton.  His sense of humor was bar none, he could make anyone laugh at any time.  At the grocery store, if I was not in a happy mood he would lay me on the floor and kiss and tickle me until I laughed.  And he did the same with the kids.

 Is it wrong for me to feel that I will never find some one like him again?  When I  am out and about I see couples, young and old and miss him even more.  I am jealous that couples my age have been together so long that they have become one, but at the same time I am happy for them.  I should be getting ready to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, instead I am remembering the anniversary of his death.  The kids and I celebrate his birthday by going out to eat and telling stories of him, and we laugh until we cry.

I thought with time things would get better not worse.  I love my husband very much, and miss him every second of every day.  I try to keep busy, but at the end of the day I go to bed alone.  Everyone tells me not to think about it, do y’all know how freaking hard that is?  Even after 8 years it still feels like yesterday that I lost him.  At the same time I am finding it hard to remember the sound of his voice and laugh then I feel so guilty.

Ok, I got that off my chest.

Drew Brees Hits the Bulls Eye Saturday, Oct 3 2009 

Some one told me about a video on youtube.com that proves Drew Brees is more accurate than an Olympic Archery expert.  It is amazing to me that a quarterback can throw a football with such accuracy.  Brees hit the bullseye 10 out of 10 times, where the Olympic archery expert hits it roughly 50% of the time.  Drew Brees proves himself week after week on the field, but to be able to prove it for the sake of science is unbelievable.

Watch for yourself and tell me what you think.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVoqA-LKGb4

Daily Dollop Wednesday, Sep 30 2009 

    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”

Winnie the Pooh

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